12/7/17

“Can you focus on what is best for Clara?”, she asked.

This year will be the best Christmas ever.  Why?  Because I choose for it to be.  I might not be able to give Clara a kitchen or dollhouse, but I can give her my undivided attention and love.  She is my one and only.  And I am her mom.  She deserves me at my best.

I was trying to think about what “I” wanted for Christmas this year.  It’s taken me all day and I have decided I’d like a new pair of glasses.  I’d like them to help me refocus my long term goals.



12/5/17

This is my Mommy.


I know the tenderness of her touch with my eyes closed.  I can still feel her soft hands smoothing out the damp strands of my hair. And the swiftness that I felt as they brushed across my forehead during a feverish sleep.  The gentle hum of her voice, spoken in perfect harmony with each stroke of her hand - there, to assure me that things will be alright.  


She is my rock.  My security blanket.  


She is my fortress.  


She is the reason I rock my baby to sleep at night.  And why I rub her back when she is feeling blue.  


She is my teacher.  And my heart.  


She....is my mommy.


When my daughter runs into the arms of her grandmother.  Her me-maw.  I feel the warmth of her love wrapping around me all over again.


But a few years ago, I grew to know her not only as a mother, but as a loving and devoted daughter.  I stood by her as she took a journey I never wanted to understand.  A journey that still saddens my heart.  One that we must all take one day.  The journey of a daughter saying goodbye to a parent.  Her father.  My grandpa. 


I watched my mother assist, nurse and care for the former breadwinner of our family day in and day out. Sharing the duties with those closest to us for weeks.  My mother became one of many that prayed over him, fed him sweet tapioca pudding, and talked to him in a reminding tone.  


I watched my mom provide comfort and support during one of the most trying times for our family.  I watched and learned in those moments that my Mommy was more to me than just a security.  I watched her stand as a firm, family pillar.  Holding up her side of the corner.  Tall and strong.


As I look at my daughter, now, through a mother’s view point I understand fully that this is the circle of life we all must face one day.  My mommy is a beautiful example of grace and courage.  I can only hope to remember that this is a “job well done” loss that must happen and will happen.  I can only hope to be exactly like her.  Like my sweet Mommy.